gratitude list

A hundred things I'm grateful for

I am grateful for

1. Radiators

2. Having electricity at home

3. The capacity to fall in love repeatedly

4. Access to emergency dental treatment at a reasonable price

5. The bad things that happened to me which brought me to this point

6. Being loved

7. High thread count Egyptian cotton sheets

8. Good friends

9. People who don’t abandon you when it’s convenient to do so

10. A British passport which gives me the freedom to travel easily

11. Being raised speaking Welsh

12. Having had the opportunity to visit five Caribbean islands

13. The grace of God

14. NHS Right to Choose for enabling my ADHD diagnosis

15. EMDR

16. Living in London

17. Seeing my niece and nephew grow up

18. Bubble tea

19. The magic of cinema

20. Being able to afford good quality food

21. Being healthy enough to move freely and not be limited in where I can go

22. Getting more writing commissions than I can keep up with

23. Offers from two indie publishing houses

24. Positive self-regard

25. Sobriety

26. Experiencing day-to-day happiness rather than emotional agony

27. Being able to give my mother nice things and experiences

28. Not living through war

29. Being free from abuse and coercive control

30. Access to affordable medication

31. The countryside

32. British meat and dairy produce

33. The kindness of strangers

34. High quality public transport

35. Being able to use the worst experiences of my life to help others

36. Having a roof over my head

37. Living alone

38. Hot chocolate

39. Being able to worship freely

40. The sacrament of penance and reconciliation

41. Access to more information than any of my ancestors

42. Not dying in a mine or being a mining accident widow like my ancestors

43. Libraries

44. Literary events where I can meet interesting people

45. A social life that means I’m never lonely

46. Being single and discovering my own competence

47. Museums and art galleries

48. The beauty of my immediate environment

49. Buying fresh flowers

50. Financial solvency

51. A good credit score

52. Earning money from doing what I love

53. A good education

54. Reasonably clean air

55. Easy access to water

56. Shoes without holes in them

57. Having the wherewithal to do my taxes

58. Being desired and desirable

59. Being able to read

60. Being able to pay for genetic testing so I know about my MTHFR gene mutation

61. Being able to pay back debts

62. Live music in pubs

63. Fancy gym membership

64. Never having done heroin

65. Being believed

66. Warm winter clothes

67. First class train travel

68. Having flown business class

69. Qigong workshops in the Egyptian desert

70. Learning from people wiser than me

71. Another year of life

72. The theatre

73. Recovery

74. Not succeeding in my suicide attempts

75. The memories I have of friends who did succeed

76. Retaining my capacity for sexual intimacy after trauma

77. Dating and being able to put an end to flirtations when the fit isn’t right

78. Good sexual health

79. Never having had an affair with a married man

80. Meditation

81. Access to help with administrative and financial issues

82. Learning difficult lessons early enough in my life that I won’t make the same ones in my later decades

83. Aeroplanes

84. Passenger ferries

85. The internet

86. My subscribers

87. The scholarships and academic grants that made my education possible

88. Being comfortable in my own skin at a range of weights

89. Being able to exercise for the right reasons and without triggering a relapse

90. Being able to visit my grandma in her old age

91. Owning several pairs of shoes that I lusted after for years

92. My Empresa bag from Florence

93. The friendship of select exes

94. Faith

95. Flexibility of mind that allows for changing opinions

96. Intelligence not entirely destroyed by carbon monoxide poisoning

97. Not having any debt that accrues interest

98. Easy access to a recovery community

99. Hope

100. Sheer grit

the Egyptian desert